Melancholy + wine=murky-worded blog

What I like about blogging is that it  captures prized  memories that might come handy when new events in life requires you to recall it.  I’m posting here an entry I wrote when I was in so much grief about the passing of my parents. I wrote this in one of the darkest hours of my life , that even some of my friends can’t understand it, unless they are acquainted with grief.

October 10, 2011

What is it like?


Today is another blue-sky day, yet another day closer to  winter. The leaves have changed their monotone colors and have started evolving into a fire dance. Gone are the days where the wind brings in a symphony of humdrum songs from the ice cream truck and giggles of innocent children in the street. The parks have called it a rest and succumbed to the silence of the beaches and woods till spring comes in their midst. Oh the fall indeed ushered the great winter and such passage is a perpetual mystery.


Everyone around me is silent and the leaves seem to be sleeping. Where are the deers that pay visit in my backyard and brave the evil plans of humanity? The trains are still in a far away land and their sounds will yet wake me up in my slumber. Or will they be delayed? I am aware that what I perceived as happening is unreal. The world is moving on, without any thought of a destination. Everyone I guess is living, with a pretend  purpose in their cups. They have beliefs of immortality, thus they creep into whatever crevices they find themselves jovial. No thoughts of consequences, nor what ripples it can cause in the river of life. No guilt to answer to or shadows to fear for. Their road continue without end . Free, yet bounded by self and the vulnerability of being alone in a wide and stark desert.


I envy them not though I am one of them. I desire for the life of those who are immovable when death calls them in . They live their life the same as before whether misery ushers them in its hall of tears. They have found adventures in the prose of daily  life and only them have embraced the exquisite beauty of poverty . Nothing can shake their footstool . Each of their moment is a chance for weaving their tapestry of eternal life. Why can’t I not one of them?




8 thoughts on “Melancholy + wine=murky-worded blog

  1. I too admire those with admirable strength, standing very strong in the middle of very tough misery coming in their way. I am sorry for the loss of your parents who continues to move and inspire you to gain strength of character as they had

  2. I guess, when tough situations arise, there’s no other recourse but to stand strong and face it squarely. However, it’s easier said than done. I should know, I’ve been there done that.

    I know how it feels losing a loved one – my Dad – an abrupt loss at that. I’m sorry for your loss.

  3. I died a thousand deaths when my father died. It was so sudden and unexpected. He’s so young at 43! I can’t find the appropriate words to describe how painful it is to lose a parent. Unlike most people who seemed invincible, unaffected and immovable by grief caused by death, I showed weakness and couldn’t gather enough courage to face the future without my father but at some point, I found strength; I had to- for my mother’s sake who was grieving the most.

    I can feel your pain, Carms. I was there too. It was never easy. I sought refuge in expressing my thoughts by writing them down. It was therapeutic.

    I am glad I was able to read this masterpiece. Thanks for sharing!

  4. I lost my dad early in life. Although we knew sooner or later he would succumb to his illness, no one told us how painful it is to actually see him die before our very eyes. I will never forget. I try to be strong because my children draw strength from me but sometimes tears just find their way out. Stay strong, sis. Keep on inspiring us through your writing.

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